I have received some replies about my last post and as promised, I am going to share my reply to my friend. I am doing this for 2 reasons: those of you that shared your thoughts on the matter were open and honest; and because, like G ( canihelpyousir.com ) I am working on being more vulnerable. I don't like discussing politics. I grew up in a strict, conservative, very opinionated home of Republicans. I am very free-spirited, down to earth, Liberal. So for me to voice my opinion....well lets just say it was already an angry home and I didn't need to add to it. So my whole life, politics, religion, sexuality....I have pretty much just kept to myself. Even with like-minded people because I don't like conflict of any kind...even friendly debates.
That being said....my first instinct is to tell you that if you don't agree with my thoughts or opinions keep it to yourself. But that defeats the whole purpose of being vulnerable. And if I am going to encourage others, like G, to trust my blogging friends and be open and raw and vulnerable...well then, shouldn't I do the same? So please, speak your mind. I look forward to hearing from you.....
****,
First let me thank you for sharing your perspective with me. And yes I do know that you are not against me, which, means a lot to me. It took me years to be okay with who I am...Pathways was merely the beginning of facing myself-my truth. So I have much love and respect for those that didn't change their view or opinion of me.
While I can't speak for all gay people in reference to DADT policies, I can speak for myself. I agree that there are certain physical and mental standards that military branches HAVE to maintain and uphold. I wouldn't want PeeWee Herman fighting for me, I would want Hulk Hogan. So I am in total agreement to that. However, just because someone is gay, it doesn't make them any less capable physically or mentally. While yes, there are some gay men that couldn't fight an 8 month old baby much less a 230lb man wielding a knife or gun, that is the stereotype that society has placed on gay men in general. That they are all 'fairies' that flaunt it and played dress up in their mom's closet as young boys. However, spend 1 hour in the gay area of Dallas and you will see much more than that stereotype. (Let me just say I am not saying this is your belief...I am solely expressing my opinion on the topic at hand.) Whether a man or woman, what does physical capabilities have to do with sexuality? That is all I am saying.
As far as mental standards, well really I would ask the same thing. One of the biggest issues in every day life I hear gay people discuss, is when straight people of the same sex automatically assume that we're interested in them or checking them out. This is a ridiculous thought to me. I have had female (ex)friends/coworkers make assumptions like that to me.
EX: I once informed a coworker her bra was peeking out of her blouse. She made it very clear that she was not gay and didn't appreciate me checking her out and staring at her breasts. I was taken back because I was only walking by and saying hello and couldn't believe that no one else had told her! I mean it wasn't just her strap!! But more than that, I was hurt and humiliated. Not too mention...just because I like women does not mean that I check every single one out...please Get over yourself!
Anyway, my point is that if a straight man or woman feels the need to express themselves the way my coworker did or thinks the way she does, well, quite frankly, I don't think they are mentally stable in the first place! AND...I don't believe that gay people are any less mentally apt than straight people. Some of my friends would actually argue that we are more mentally capable in some aspects. We have to go through so much mentally and emotionally just because of who we fall in love with. Harassment, beatings, unemployment, housing issues...the list goes on. We already know how to deal with conflict and danger because we do that already everyday here in the areas we live and work and buy groceries.
I don't think that people want DADT out because they want to tell everyone that their gay or flaunt their sexuality in front of everyone. Some people say that I do that. But those people only see me on Facebook. And I use FB as an outlet to get the word out about acceptance, tolerance, and equality among many other things. I have lots of friends...so why not encourage them to be aware and to help where they can. In my everyday life, I don't tell every single person I meet that 'HEY I'M A BIG 'OLE LESBO!!!' In fact, many people in my every day life do not know just because they haven't asked. I'm not hiding it they just haven't taken the time to get to really know me. And I think that's really what most people want...military or not. Not to feel like they have to hide who they love so that theres no negative consequences. To have negative consequences on something so beautiful - love - is ridiculous. I work in a very conservative cooperate office. Not everyone knows but even if I wanted to tell them, I have been told not to discuss my personal life while at work. Now to put that into perspective- I spend 40+ hours a week in a building where I have been told not to speak about ****, or anything that could involve her. 40+ hours. A week. Not when someone notices that I now where a ring on my left hand and asks me about it. Not when someone asks what I did over the weekend. Not when the holidays roll around and everyone is talking about their plans. Not when someone asks if my 'husband and I have children'...not even then. So imagine walking into work every single day knowing that if you are overheard talking about your wife, you could be punished-either written up or fired. You can't disclose to a friendly co-worker that you are having to take her to doctor appointments or that she surprised you with your favorite meal. Nothing without fear of retribution. Now, being that you were military...imagine those same restrictions while you are fighting on the front lines. And you aren't just fighting for yourself and your fellow military buddies. You are fighting for the people that told you that your wife, she isn't allowed to be discussed... or you will be fired. Yes, there are gays that know this when they enlist. And yes, they CHOOSE to enlist in spite of DADT. However, because they made the choice...the sacrifice to defend this country, does that mean they do not deserve the same rights as the straight men and women they serve with?
Please know that I hear and understand every one of your points. And again, I thank you that you shared with me...and shared so respectfully. In fact, you are the first person that I actually responded to in political differences - especially when it comes to Equality debates. I never discuss politics or religion with anyone! My apologies for the length and for this probably being all over the page. I am at work and had many interruptions while trying to respond. My opinion, is that sometimes, just because the system seemingly works, doesn't mean its the right one. I think we have seen this proven over and over and over in many situations.
Hugs and Beans,
****
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3 comments:
Wow - very well written. When I responded to your original post it was with my initial gut reaction, that and I was cranky. I hope that your friend reads your reply and thinks about it.
The fact is, if we (people in general) can have calm rational discussions about politics and religion I think we would all learn a thing or two. Unfortunately, they are both hot buttons for most people which can make rational discussions, difficult.
CAB~ Thank you. My initial reaction was "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS GUY SERIOUS??" But then I thought, what good is saying that to him going to do. And so I began to type with my heart...it isn't always easy...but if we can stay calm and speak from our hearts...I believe people will hear what we are saying. If nothing else, I have planted a seed.
I think your response was great. You do a great job of speaking from the heart, and I think that's so powerful. People can feel that, and they know you're genuine.
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