The 2 previous posts have been an email conversation between myself and a male friend. Some of you have commented here, or sent me private messages about either his or my own response to him. This is the second and last message from him, as well as the conversation. I just had nothing left to say to him on the subject. Or maybe I was too upset to form words. After all, he still thinks we are 'close' on this issue. Pfft.
****,
Thanks for sharing this with me. We are a lot closer on this issue than you may think. It is said that the military is an across-the-board slice of America that includes all races, religions & walks of life. You are correct that some folks have a stereotype of gay people being pussies or flamers. In my opinion, most of the gay people I've known have been of above average intelligence & certainly not weak mentally or physically. My experience on physical ability has been very different from the common stereotype. A few years ago, I was at a party with an old girlfriend that was thrown by one of her coworkers who was a "flamer" & cross-dresser. I was talking with a guy who was a very masculine mail carrier & we were talking about cars & general guy stuff & really having fun. Suddenly, the flamer guy introduced me to the same guy I was talking with as his partner! Had I not been introduced to them as a couple, I would never had thought twice about his sexuality, as it didn't matter. I felt good about that situation because I didn't prejudge anyone. I never felt personally threatened by their sexuality. I picked **** as my TA not based upon how he acted or looked (I had a feeling he was gay), but based on the awards he was wearing on his jacket. I had no idea what they were, but I felt they must be significant or he wouldn't have been wearing them. I later found that I certainly made the very best choice!
(I am part of an organization, Pathways ( www.createagreatlife.org) , that is a lifestyle management seminar. This is how I met this friend. Some of the things we have both referred to - TA, Beans, Pathwaynians - is in reference to Pathways. I guess you could say we have our own language sometimes!)
Having been part of senior management in the Air Force, I view DADT as means of protection for both sides of the fence. Like you said, just because someone is gay, doesn't mean they can't pick up a gun & whip an enemy's ass! I would expect them to kick some butt. However, in every bunch of people, there are "known haters" & "unknown haters". It's the unknowns that everyone has to watch for & DADT helps with the unknowns. Here is my example: two soldiers are on the battlefield in the heat of the battle. Each one has to have the other's back so-to-speak (strength in numbers) or both of them could easily end up dead. Let's say one of those two soldiers was an "unknown hater". Do you really want to risk a life on the remote chance this hater will have the gay soldier's back? Statistically, he won't have his back & something bad will come to the gay soldier. Its too easy to have a "friendly fire" incident in a situation like that. If the "unknown hater" didn't know the other soldier's sexual preference, it never becomes an issue. In this case, what the "unknown hater doesn't know, never hurts anyone & everyone did their job & lives to tell the story another day.
As to not being able to speak about someone or something; having higher than a top secret clearance, I do know a little something about not being able to tell what I was doing or where I was at or not being able to communicate at all except for certain times. I knew that going in & accepted it as part of the deal. That's what makes the military work well. It's when someone begins to compromise the rules that bad things start to happen. Some of us have to take a "lifestyle polygraph" to help make sure we are not putting ourselves in a position where we could compromise ourselves & become venerable to others or to compromise National security with what we know or do. The bottom line is that in the military, everything is based on rank & "a-need-to-know" priority. Often too much info about someone is a bad thing & could ultimately hurt someone. Every military member is rated by a higher ranking military member. Even with job specific categories & built-in checks & balances there is still too much room for personal judgement whether that rater likes you or not. Again, that's the way the military functions & to give a rater that doesn't like you, controversial information about one's sexual preference, would open Pandora's Box. DADT doesn't stop all of this, but it certainly keeps it at bay.
If DADT is repealed, It will give the "unknown haters" freedom to attack gays & remain unknown. It will take a long, long time for all military members to become tolerant of gays in the military. DADT helps keep one's sexual orientation out of the picture & out of the intolerant's mind. It is a safety, that's all. At first, when DADT came out, I thought it was stupid, but as I rose in rank, I soon came to embrace it to help protect the gays I already knew were there & to keep those that "feel threatened" by a gay person of the same sex (like your bra strap lady) from feeling threatened because they never know the other persons orientation. I want you to feel free & unthreatened, but that just doesn't happen in the military overnight. It's not the perfect system, but it's one that has worked the best so far & is favored by the majority of military members. I find it interesting that this subject has come up from & is being pushed from those outside of the military.
Hugs & Beans,
****
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2 comments:
Ok – so I’m going to do my best to be rational in my comments and I’ll apologize for the length in advance.
If I understand your friends comments DADT is a good thing because it protects gays and lesbians from the “unknown” haters who might not have their back in a difficult situation or even worse might kill them and use the “friendly fire” excuse.
Now what I “hear” when I read that is: “The military is a bunch of out of control men and women who can’t be counted on to perform their duty to the best of their ability when faced with adverse conditions.” Your friend and I both know this is not true; but if you want to use the excuse of the “unknown hater” I would think the military would be less worried about gays in the military and would put an immediate ban on any Muslims in the military. Although, that might not go far enough, we should also ban anyone of Arab decent, or anyone who LOOKS like they are of Arab decent. Seriously, there could be THOUSANDS of unknown haters in the military as we speak; people who joined right after 9/11.
Your friend is also a little flippant with is “having higher than a top secret clearance, I do know a little something about not being able to tell what I was doing or where I was at or not being able to communicate at all except for certain times.”
Again this is an excuse. I’d be surprised if there were gays in the military who were just waiting for the repeal of DADT so they could shout from the mountain tops “I’m here and I’m queer.” However, I am sure that there are quite a few gays who would like to be able to put in their personnel file “In case of emergency contact xxx.” I wonder if with your friends “super duper top secret clearance” if he can imagine for one second what it would be like to get injured or killed and not have any way to let his loved one/spouse/partner aware of the situation.
“If DADT is repealed, It will give the "unknown haters" freedom to attack gays & remain unknown.”
By the very design of DADT and the fact that someone can make an anonymous allegation that another solder is gay it gives “the haters” the freedom to attack a solder with impunity.
“It will take a long, long time for all military members to become tolerant of gays in the military. DADT helps keep one's sexual orientation out of the picture & out of the intolerant's mind.”
First I would point out as your friend did this is the military and there is a chain of command and you do as your ranking officer tells you. Unfortunately, your friend would like you to believe in this particular instance the rank and file would be so thrown off by a repeal of DADT that all the military training that has been drilled into them would fly out the window? I don’t believe it. Would your friend also like you to believe that blacks were only integrated into the military units after a survey was done to make sure the rank and file agreed???
Finally, the only sexual orientation that is out of the picture in the military ours every other soldier can discuss their orientation, brag about their conquests, flaunt their sexual desires and that’s just dandy because boys will be boys and to be a good soldier you need to be heterosexual (or at least pretend to be)
Like CAB, I'll try to stay stay objective and rational.
A few things stood out to me here.
His supposed "friendly-fire" example is bullshit. Sorry for the language, but DADT doesn't stop anyone in the military from knowing someone else's sexual preference; it just stops open conversation about it. If there are unknown haters out there in battle, DADT isn't going to prevent that situation from happening; it just helps the military cover it up.
Not being able to discuss things due to his "higher than a top secret clearance" and not being able to be open and transparent about who we are as humans are two completely different things, and for him to suggest they're the same is insulting.
"Often too much info about someone is a bad thing & could ultimately hurt someone." Reading between the lines here, he's saying too much personal info about a homosexual makes him uncomfortable, and he's assuming it does the same to everyone else, too. It's the same attitude a lot of people I know have: the gays are fine if they just stay quiet and keep their personal lives to themselves.
To emphasize my point on your earlier blog post, I received the highest marks possible while in the Navy, and I'm pretty sure my superiors knew I wasn't straight.
The one thing he was right about is that it won't happen overnight. It will take some time. But if the military is open about it and continues to enforce its code of military justice across the board to protect ALL servicemembers, DADT can become just a misguided policy of the past, like racial segregation.
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