Thursday, April 29, 2010
too tired to be strong
the pain is excruciating. it grips me. i'm frozen where i sit. i go between numbness and a wandering mind. both are exhausting but one is paralyzing. i am afraid to feel too much. afraid it will be too much for me to handle. but then, maybe i already feel too much...after all, if i didn't feel so much i wouldn't be in so much pain. my eyes are heavy begging for sleep. but granting their request will not change the truth and if i sleep the nightmares will come. my heart is racing just at the possibilities...i can't help it. i hate and fear the unknown. i need to know what is going to happen. i need to know that everything will be okay. that one day i can look back on this as a growing experience. that some day soon everything will be back to normal. that the resentment... the anger will no longer reside in our home. i hate this limbo. i am sick to my stomach from it. i need peace and calm and resolve. my heart aches and i long to be emotionally and mentally absent. i am too tired to be strong right now. and so...i'm not...
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3 comments:
I have no idea what's going on write now to make you feel the way you are, but I do know that you are extremely strong, or you would not have been able to write those words. Sure a crystal ball would be handy, but it would also take away from our enjoyment of the adventure in our journey. Hang in there Sweet Tea!
My heart goes out to you. I know that exact feeling, the fear grips you and there is nothing that you can do to change it. No words, no actions, nothing. It just sits there growing..
If I can do anything, please know that I am here for you :)
I think you put into words what so many have felt. I don't know if you're still in that same place, but just know that it's okay to have a breakdown now and then. It can be good for you. I'm sending you my thoughts for peace and comfort. You'll get through this ...
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